Get your ow
n diary at! contact me older entries newest entry

5:17 a.m. - 2007-04-22


5:28 a.m. - 2007-02-01
Early in the morning
It's early, the kids are getting ready to go. I am taking them to my mom's. I have to work, the boyfriend has to work and I have to pay a sitter. It sucks. I know it. I have to make sure I am fed, the kids are fed and life goes round and round. My sister will be here in two weeks with my truck and there should be a buttload of money in my account shortly. Life will be good. Until then, I plot, I wait, I wonder.
Work is going well. Life is going awesome. How can I love someone who is so good to me? How can they love me? It's so wonderful most of the time. I can stroke his back when he's asleep and know I'm not worried about him walking out on me. He is just as much commited to this as I am. And that is wonderful.
But must check on the kids, get them out the door, get to work, write a note, make coffee and get on with my day. Hugs to everyone!


6:24 p.m. - 2007-01-06
New years really late
Well I thought about it and here is my new years list for this year
1. To spend more time with my children and make it more worth my while. Get all of us doing yard work this summer and relaxing alot more. Spending more time eating on the deck, playing games and maybe learning a new thing this year.
2. More exercise. I love to be outside and I'm going to spend more time there. Bbqing, walking and spending time with myself as well.
3. Working on my job to be the best I can be. I'm going to learn how to do office work starting on the 15th so I'm very excited about that.
4. Starting my day out feeling positive. Getting enough sleep, consuming just enough but not enough coffee. Enjoying my life more and remembering that I made this life and every decision I have made brought me here.
5. Go out alot more
6. Showing everyone that I love them and that they mean the world to me. By trying to get everyone keeping the house clean, doing my jobs and relaxing more with movies and popcorn.
7. Masturbating more. Just cause I can.
8. Making sure I look my best and I'm not going out looking like a slob
9. Trying to get over my ADD with numbers.
10. Failing miserably within 10 seconds. HEHE jk

Lots of hugs and love


3:11 p.m. - 2006-12-31
Good bye and good riddance
Happy New year to everyone in 2007. I have to make a list, but I'll do that after the housework gets done and I can sit down for a bit more. Just wanted to commemorate today for me. The last day of one of the worst years ever.


8:46 p.m. - 2006-12-29
I quit Extra Foods
Well I did the impossible. I quit my other job. Man I am looking forward to not getting up at 3am tommorrow. Or the whole only one day off a week thing. I had a nice long wank and a nap today and enjoyed every second of it.
Now i'm trying to get my kids to go to bed, I sent Dakota to go get a snack. I am going to watch TV, play Pokemon and relax tonight. Tommorrow is housework and stuff, Sunday is getting ready for New years and hanging out with Alex and Ang. Should be an awesome day


5:13 a.m. - 2006-12-22
Having a wondeful day!!
Have you ever wanted to call someone significant in your life and tell them "Thank you for walking out on me and that was the best thing you could have done!! Thank you thank you thank you."
I feel like doing that to Blaine right now. I would probably not be waking him up but I won't cause I'm not that rude. My life has taken so many turns for the better. I have money in my bank account, and not just because it's payday. I have food in the freezer, my kids are getting a good Christmas. I got my promotion at work and now a "Team Leader in Training". I have been working hard to get my life where I want it. And it's getting there!! Grant gets more awesome every day. I curl up next to him and am just so happy to have him in my life. I thank my lucky stars every day. Just had to say that since I'm feeling so awesome :)


5:54 p.m. - 2006-12-18
Happy Birthday to me!!!
Happy Birthday to me! I'm 28 today. I feel a tad bit old, but life will go on :) Hopefully the bf and I will still be going this strong next year.
But off to eat my dinner and hanging out :)


3:02 p.m. - 2006-12-15
Another day....another dollar
Hanging with the kids tonight, work tommorrow, and housework. Then Monday I'm 28. ACK!!! OH well, i'm getting older. I love my birthday, the cake, the snow, the day i can say, fuck it, it's my birthday. I plan on going for coffee with my friend, tidying up and just relaxing. Life will be good once Christmas gets done. Hugs to you all :)


8:07 p.m. - 2006-12-13
This just made me cry....

It's just a small, white envelope stuck among the branches of our
Christmas tree. No name, no identification, no inscription. It has
peeked through the branches of our tree for the past 10 years or so. It
all began because my husband Mike hated Christmas--- all began because my
meaning of Christmas, but the commercial aspects of it overspending ...
the frantic running around at the last minute to get a tie for Uncle
Harry and the dusting powder for Grandma---the gifts given in
desperation because you couldn't think of anything else.

Knowing he felt this way, I decided one year to bypass the usual shirts,
sweaters, ties and so forth. I reached for something special just for
Mike. The inspiration came in an unusual way. Our son Kevin, who was 12
that year, was wrestling at the junior level at the school he attended;
and shortly before Christmas, there was a non-league match against a
team sponsored by an inner-city church, mostly black. These youngsters,
dressed in sneakers so ragged that shoestrings seemed to be the only
thing holding them together, presented a sharp contrast to our boys in
their spiffy blue and gold uniforms and sparkling new wrestling shoes.

As the match began, I was alarmed to see that the other team was
wrestling without headgear, a kind of light helmet designed to protect a
wrestler's ears. It was a luxury the ragtag team obviously could not
afford. Well, we ended up walloping them. We took every weight class.
And as each of their boys got up from the mat, he swaggered around in
his tatters with false bravado, a kind of street pride that couldn't
acknowledge defeat.

Mike, seated beside me, shook his head sadly, "I wish just one of them
could have won," he said. "They have a lot of potential, but losing like
this could take the heart right out of them." Mike loved kids --- all
kids --- and he knew them, having coached little league football,
baseball and lacrosse. That's when the idea for his present came. That
afternoon, I went to a local sporting goods store and bought an
assortment of wrestling headgear and shoes and sent them anonymously to
the inner-city church.

On Christmas Eve, I placed the envelope on the tree, the note inside
telling Mike what I had done and that this was his gift from me. His
smile was the brightest thing about Christmas that year and in
succeeding years. For each Christmas, I followed the tradition --- one
year sending a group of mentally handicapped youngsters, to a hockey
game, another year a check to a pair of elderly brothers whose home had
burned to the ground the week before Christmas, and on and on.

The envelope became the highlight of our Christmas. It was always the
last thing opened on Christmas morning and our children, ignoring their
new toys, would stand with wide-eyed anticipation as their dad lifted
the envelope from the tree to reveal its contents. As the children grew,
the toys gave way to more practical presents, but the envelope never
lost its allure.

The story doesn't end there. You see, we lost Mike last year due to
dreaded cancer. When Christmas rolled around, I was still so wrapped in
grief that I barely got the tree up. But Christmas Eve found me placing
an envelope on the tree, and in the morning, it was joined by three
more. Each of our children, unbeknownst to the others, had placed an
envelope on the tree for their dad.

The tradition has grown and someday will expand even further with our
grandchildren standing around the tree with wide-eyed anticipation
watching as their fathers take down the envelope. Mike's spirit, like
the Christmas spirit, will always be with us.


5:16 a.m. - 2006-12-11
Christmas is just around the corner :)
Yeah, i killed the template. It sucked and was annoying.
Not alot going on here. I got a promotion at work. I'll be opening the office on the weekends starting in Jan and working on my team lead book. I'm excited. I'll have to take days off during the week but I'll be making more money and having more responsibility. I can deal with that for now.
We are working at getting my son diagnosed with either ADD, depression or both. This scares the living daylights out of me. I know that I don't have perfect children by far but I still hang on to this glimmer of hope that I haven't fucked them up really bad and they will turn out fine. I so hope this is the case.
I'm sitting here in my Micky D's uniform too lazy to go throw some makeup on. My boyfriend informed me he loves the new makeup I bought. Makes me glad that he notices when I change things up a bit. I got my eyebrows waxed not long ago and although it was painful, so worth it. I think it will be a every second payday thing. I so enjoy having nice eyebrows. I think I'm off early today so Grantie and I can run to the bank and cash my vacation pay. They bank all of our holiday pay and give it to us at the end of the year. So next year I should have a good amount. The kids are going to get some new jammies, a new big gift for Dakota and lots of hugs and kisses :)
But I should get the old man up so he can drive me. And Toss some makeup on and all that fun shit :) Hugs n kisses




previous - next

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at!